Savvy Sheldon Feels Good as Hell Read online

  She stood, ready to leave before he could march into an assessment of her current setup. An updated kitchen was at the very top of her bucket list. “I am. But you always came through for me. Let me do that for you.”

  He pursed his lips, offered his cheek, and she leaned in to kiss it.

  “You’ll be back on your feet in no time. In the meantime, call me whenever you need. Got that?”

  “Mmm-hmm. Love you, Baby Girl.”

  “I love you more, Uncle.” Savvy winked at him and turned to leave. “Let me know when you and Miss Mabel go out on your hot date!”

  2

  On a Sunday afternoon, the lobby lacked its typical fluorescence, lit only by the sunshine streaming in through tinted windows. After walking down the hall, past the staff lounge, Savvy stopped at a large white board where the team tracked monthly goals, upcoming deadlines, and bar charts reflecting the production numbers of each team member. So far, her monthly numbers were far ahead of the rest of the other underwriters, but she had several big deadlines coming up that would catapult her further ahead. If she could stay consistent in her output, Mama believed the boss would have no choice but to recognize that hard work with a promotion.

  The space was quiet except for the hum of the copy machine. Savvy unlocked her office, surveying the room. The L-shaped desk had an in-box overflowing with file folders. Degrees hung on the wall, and a desk calendar of highlighted deadlines lay flat on top of a short bookcase with her bamboo plant. She switched her cell phone to a Do Not Disturb setting, as she did every workday. Just for a couple of hours.

  After stretching her fingers, she connected her laptop to its docking station, and two oversized monitors flashed awake. She answered the most urgent emails: Savvy, can you explain the product details to this client? Can you prep our help desk team to answer questions about insurability? She received a response from her boss, Warren, thanking her for the millennial data points she’d emailed that morning—they were exactly what he needed. Relieved, she logged into the client database system, reaching for the first file in her in-box.

  Mama would have been all too happy for Savvy to become a doctor, but she was too squeamish to look at injuries and illness firsthand, so she focused her studies in public health policy. She’d gotten a paid internship her senior year, and she’d found the work so intuitive that her boss made her a job offer before graduation. Nothing made Mama prouder. Ultimately, Savvy postponed work to go to grad school, but the job offer remained secure. Over the years, she gained the trust and respect of her team, climbing from junior underwriter to underwriter within the span of a few short years. In this role, Savvy reviewed applications for life insurance to determine insurability.

  Work kept her busy enough to shrug off any outside drama and she liked it that way. She never felt pressure from the team to work harder or faster. Instead, it was her mother’s voice ringing in her ear, continually nudging Savvy to set the bar higher.

  She kept a framed photo of Mama on her desk, embracing Savvy at her high school graduation. Mama decided to quit her third job the same week that photo was taken, with Savvy going to college on a scholarship that included a partial living stipend, and her two brothers going into funded graduate and doctoral programs. Mama came home the night before graduation and found Savvy on the couch reading a book. “Savannah Joy, what have I told you about putting your feet up on this couch?”

  She huffed in frustration, not wanting to pull herself from the world she read about. “Not to.” Setting her book down, she unfolded her legs, letting her feet skim the floor. “How was work?”

  Mama reached over and tucked hair behind Savvy’s ear with spindly fingers. “No more night shifts,” she said softly.

  “Really? For good?” For as long as she could remember, Mama had worked a full-time nine-to-five at the bank, a weekend part-time job in retail, and a night shift a few days a week stocking shelves at a local market. She would come home with weary shoulders, pinched high from stress and worry.

  Mama nodded, eyes crinkling at the corners the same way that Uncle’s did. The only lines that ever broke through her smooth, coppery skin. “For good, Baby. You did good.” She pointed at Savvy.

  “But what about the weekend job?” Mama never got enough rest.

  She batted away the thought with her hand. “Now, you know you still need books and things for your dorm room. And I’ll get more rest now, so please stop worrying.” She always read the minds of her children.

  Savvy sighed. “I just don’t want you to have to work so hard. I feel bad.”

  “Nope, we don’t do pity parties.” She squeezed her shoulder. “Listen to me, Savvy. It takes hard work to care for yourself and the people you love. Your Granny and PopPop worked their fingers to the bone, but they were proud of what they were able to do for this family.

  “Look at this house they bought us. This is going to be yours one day. Good things come from hard work, Baby. This is what we do,” she’d said.

  “This is what we do.” Savvy’s office phone rang, pulling her out of her reverie. No one but Mama and Uncle knew the direct line once she transitioned from a cubicle into an office. Jason lost his privileges after he chewed out the team’s file clerk, who had been tasked with screening Savvy’s calls. “Hello?”

  “Baby Girl, you really put your foot in this food.”

  His voice brought a curve to her lips. “Hey, Uncle. I’m so glad you like it!”

  “Is there anyone who hasn’t liked your cooking? I’m telling you, you ought to cater. Or write a cookbook.”

  She laughed. “Maybe a cookbook one day. I don’t think catering is all that appealing—I just like to cook for people I love.”

  “Hmm. That’s what makes it so good. That’s how your granny’s food was too. Cooked with love.”

  “Yeah. And a whole lot of chili peppers.” They laughed.

  “You making progress?”

  “I need about two hours to knock out some files, and then I’ll head home. I promise.”

  “Two hours and not a second more. It’s Sunday, young lady. Make sure you take some time to rest.”

  She reached for a framed photo of her uncle next to Mama’s. “You’re right. I’ll try, Uncle.”

  “Mmm-hmm. I love you, niece.”

  “I love you more.”

  They hung up, and Savvy opened the file in front of her, grabbing a ballpoint pen for notations. Getting into a steady rhythm, she pulled new files from the in-box on her left and made a pile of completed files on her right. When her fingertips found the bottom of her in-box, she looked up to make sure she’d reached the end, and her eyes caught the clock. Three hours had flown by. Cringing, she turned over her phone and saw a missed text from Jason. Headed back to your place. See you soon. Shit.

  * * *

  When Savvy pulled into her driveway, Jason’s black Explorer sat parked on the street as if keeping watch. Maybe he won’t make it a big deal this time. She glanced at herself in the rearview, fluffed her hair, and pressed her lips together, making sure her lip gloss was evenly applied. She stepped out of the car and grabbed her purse.

  “Nice evening for a stroll.”

  Savvy’s spine snapped straight at the deep, unfamiliar voice behind her, and she turned in its direction slowly. That same, dusty guy from the morning walked past with his chocolate Lab. The man had smooth brown skin and a bright smile. His jeans were torn at the knees and covered in dirt; a gaping hole in the seam of his white T-shirt exposed rippled flesh beneath. He stood there in those dirty work boots, back straight, arms hanging at his sides. Her mind raced to process what was happening. Is he homeless? He definitely didn’t live in this neighborhood, but now she’d seen him outside her house twice in one day.

  He smiled again, curving lips framed by deep dimples. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just figured I’d say hi.”

  Ti
ghtening the grip on her purse, she gave him a tight smile. “Hi, how you doin’?” Damn my mother and these manners! She waited for the response, expecting him to ask for cash.

  He cocked his head to one side. “I’m good, thanks. You?”

  She hesitated, watching his chest rise and broaden as he inhaled. “Uh, good. You have a good evening.”

  He smiled once more, shaking his head as he led his dog farther down the street.

  Savvy rushed up to the front door, which was unlocked. “Hello?” she called, as she locked the door behind her, kicking off her shoes.

  “I’m in here,” Jason called.

  She passed the kitchen and dining room, and stepped into the living room, full of warm light, noticing that the edges of pale blue paper on the accent wall were beginning to lift. Jason sat in the middle of a worn chenille love seat, legs spread wide enough to leave no space for her to sit comfortably. A Clippers game played on the flat-screen TV.

  She leaned over the arm of the love seat, kissing his thick lips. He smelled of fresh soap and cocoa butter. He’d stopped wearing her favorite cologne a while ago. “Hey, Babe. How was your day?”

  He grunted, licking his lips, as she sank into the sofa against the wall. She folded her legs under herself, ignoring her mother’s voice admonishing Savvy for having her feet on the couch.

  “Where you been?” He averted his eyes from the television long enough to give her a sideways glance, his husky voice heavy with tension.

  Her stomach turned, but she put on her best smile. “Remember? I had to go and see my uncle, and then I had to run errands.” She pressed her lips together. Liar.

  He stared at the TV screen. “Errands, huh.”

  She ignored the judgment in his tone. “Well, how was your day?”

  He paused. When they first got together, he never held back what he thought. Back then, they told each other everything, and that level of openness refreshed them both—their previous relationships had ended due to poor communication. Savvy remembered sitting with him at Santa Monica Pier, talking for hours, never worried or self-conscious about sharing. Around the time that Savvy got her last promotion, they started avoiding certain subjects. “You’ve been acting different lately. You’re always so busy, even on the weekends.”

  “I have a whole job, Jay—one I intend to keep. They have me working on extra client accounts to help team members, and I really want my boss to see me as reliable. He told me that there’s going to be an opportunity for promotion, and I really want it.”

  “Is that why you decided to hide the fact that you went to work today?” Jason’s tone dripped with judgment.

  Savvy flinched. “I...”

  He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Don’t bother trying to deny it. Did you go shopping at all today? I don’t see any bags.” He eyed her, and guilt fell into the pit of her stomach.

  “I was going to—I need some new slacks for work.”

  “You just bought some a couple months ago.”

  “Yeah, but the material between my thighs rubs and wears out. Then the seams fray and split, so they need to be replaced.” She bit her lip, embarrassed by the admission.

  “So, it sounds to me like you could be putting that work energy to better use in the gym. You’re trying too hard to please your family.”

  Pump the brakes. “Let’s not bring family into this. I may not have a lot of time for the gym, but I cooked us a healthy dinner last night. Remember?” Her voice took on a pleading tone that had become all too familiar; one that she never had before him. “And the salmon with roasted brussels sprouts that we’re having tonight is unhealthy? I make an effort, Babe.”

  Her pleading tone calmed him slightly; he settled back into the love seat. “Fine, you know how to cook healthy food, but you still care more about a promotion than you do about anything else. You’re becoming one of those women who puts their career before their men.”

  And that’s bad? “Come on, Babe. I care about you. That job gives us some benefits too, though, right? Maui?” she asked in a soothing tone. Their trip was a full week of sunshine and beaches, with a drive to the summit of the volcano and a hike to some of the most beautiful waterfalls Savvy had ever seen. I thought we’d never been happier. “With a promotion, we could go somewhere farther. You’ve always wanted to spend time in Europe, right?”

  He blew out a sharp breath, running his hands over his face. “Listen, I’m trying to be supportive, but you have to give me something worth supporting.”

  “You’re right, Baby. I’m sorry, I’ll make more of an effort.” Not wanting to fight, she shoved it all down. Again. She blinked hard to hold back tears. “Listen, I’ll go get dinner started.”

  He turned the game back on and grunted. She moved toward the kitchen, allowing the tears to fall silently once her back was turned.

  * * *

  “Babe, dinner’s ready! I’m going to set it out in the dining room.”

  “Be there in a second.”

  Savvy basted the herb-roasted salmon with residual butter after placing four fillets on a platter with lemon wedges. In a ceramic dish, roasted brussels sprouts with caramelized edges received a drizzle of balsamic glaze. She carried the dishes to the next room and set them on the round wooden dining table her mother had left behind before returning to the kitchen for the simple arugula salad with halved cherry tomatoes and sliced shallots.

  By the time she returned to the dining table, Jason was seated, pouring himself a glass of wine. Savvy pushed an empty glass toward him, hoping the sauvignon blanc would dull the tension between them. She sat, placing the salad on the table, as he handed her a glass. “Thank you.”

  He grunted, and she wrung her hands nervously.

  “So my uncle asked about you, said to tell you hi,” Savvy lied to break the ice.

  Jason shook his head. “You know your uncle doesn’t even like me. I’m sure if he asked about me, he had something slick to say.”

  Savvy’s shoulders tensed defensively. “He likes you just fine. He’s just protective. He helped raise me.”

  “Mmm-hmm. He reminds me every time I see him.” Jason licked his lips, eyeing the food. The last time Jason came around the family, he’d gotten the third degree from Uncle Joe. A real estate agent working for his family’s agency, Jason had yet to make a sale on a home, but he’d sold two parking spots in a condo building and a boat slip in the marina. It took him four years to make his first sale, thanks to the coddling of his doting mother.

  In college, he had been all ambition and potential, but then they’d graduated college after the subprime crash hit the housing market hard. Frustrated by the turned economy that delayed his dreams to sell million-dollar estates, all of Jason’s ambition had recessed with the market. Thanks to his mom’s success and drive, the business had stayed afloat, but any nudge Jason received to get his head back in the game was ignored or met with resistance. Uncle had told him in no uncertain terms that if he was going to be with Savvy, he needed to be about his business. It hadn’t gone over well, and it had been hanging over them ever since.

  They made their plates in silence, squeezing lemon over the salmon and the salad, taking their first bites without looking at each other. As Savvy sampled the fish, she closed her eyes, tasting the unctuous texture that melted into the smoothness of the butter, the mélange of fresh herbs crisped by the oven, the brightness of the lemon. She opened her eyes to Jason staring at her. Covering her mouth as she chewed, she asked, “Everything okay? Do you need me to grab something from the kitchen?”

  He shook his head. “The food’s great.” He took a big gulp of wine and leaned toward her. “Listen, Sav, I have a lot of love for you, but I don’t really see this working out.” He took another bite gingerly, averting his eyes.

  Savvy stared at him in disbelief. Was this really happening? “Say what now? You don’t see w
hat working out, Jay?” She bit her lip, wondering if she really wanted the answer.

  “I think we should just chalk it up to incompatibility. Look, let’s just finish the meal, okay?” He refused to look at her as he stabbed a brussels sprout with his fork.

  “Jason, we’ve been together for six years. You don’t think I deserve more of an explanation than ‘incompatibility’?! Please just say it, whatever ‘it’ is.”

  Was he cheating? Savvy chided herself. She had been working too hard and given him time to find someone else. How long had he been seeing her?

  He leaned back in his chair, holding out a hand to calm her. “Just remember, you asked.” His shoulders relaxed, as if a burden had been lifted. “Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I think it’s time I start looking for an upgrade.”

  An upgrade? “What is that supposed to mean, Jay? Upgrade what?” Filled with disbelief, she could only stare at his fingers fidgeting with the stem of his wineglass.

  “Let’s face it, Savs. You let yourself go, and you know it. That’s why you cringe when I touch your stomach, and you got all red talking about needing pants.” Eyes focused on the ceiling; he refused to speak his mind while looking her in the eye. “I haven’t seen you work out in months. You stay home on weekends to work more hours, and the only thing that’s changed these last few years is your weight going in the wrong direction. I’m about forward progress, and you no longer fit my plan. Literally.” He sucked his teeth, dipping his head to take another bite.

  She gasped, his words slapping her across the face. Her cheeks grew hot, and though anger boiled inside of her, her eyes welled with tears. Nothing is ever good enough.

  He continued, mouth full. “You haven’t bothered to update anything about yourself. I mean, cut your hair, or get a makeover! You’re probably the only girl in the world who could stand to be a little more high-maintenance. I have new clients lined up at work, and my career is about to take off—I can feel it. I need someone who has time to support me and you ain’t got time unless it’s about your promotion.”